Trixie Bloom – Cart Confidential, Crypto, Shopping, Thoughts and Advice

The receipts are real. The sass is real. The Advice is free.

💋 Trixie Bloom: Crypto, Shopping, Everything and Nothing (In That Order)
By Trixie Bloom — FortuneNet

Let’s get one thing clear: I don’t understand crypto. And I don’t trust anyone who says they do.

One minute, your cousin’s telling you to buy the ElonMoonBaby token, and the next he’s texting from a prepaid flip phone and won’t say why. The state of digital currency right now? Picture Monopoly money melting on a blockchain bonfire — and everyone’s still cheering. Beautiful. Tragic. Inevitable.

“It’s not money, darling. It’s performance art.”

💅 Lifestyle
The internet has become a family reunion you can’t leave. Your uncle’s selling supplements. Your niece is doing makeup tutorials in front of an LED ring like she’s solving the Middle East. And your group chat? Still arguing about that brunch in 2019. In this era, lifestyle isn’t what you live — it’s what you caption.

And speaking of family — mine is on year three of debating whether we like each other or we’re just related. We still gather, usually in a driveway, circling a car someone bought with too many miles and too little logic.

🚗 Technology & Speed
Which brings me to fast cars. I don’t care if it’s gas, electric, or fueled by martinis — if it sounds good and looks sharp, I want to drive it like I mean it. EVs are quieter, sure, but my foot still knows where the fun is. The future of speed is unfolding right now at fortune.racing, and believe me, it’s more thrilling than watching Bitcoin try to behave.

🛍️ Shopping
And shopping? It’s not just what you buy — it’s why. Retail therapy’s been rebranded as “self-investment,” and your receipt is now a manifesto. Beige-core fashion drops. Influencer flash sales. Sleepwear you wear to work. For actual goods (not vaporware with a promo code), head to fortune.org/shopping.html before everything becomes backordered by someone else's algorithm.

So yes, this column is about nothing. And somehow, everything. Just like your browser history.
You’re welcome.

— Trixie Bloom

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